If only you knew
by Jedarth
Summary: After a grueling argument with Anakin, Obi wan Kenobi does the unthinkable, he takes his own life as an escape from the pain. Anakin blames himself for what happened but soon, he, Ahsoka and Mace Windu, find themselves traveling through the deepest secrets Obi wan Kenobi has to offer. AU.
1. Chapter 1

Hello there, it's been a while since I've written any form of fiction, and I had a little bunny jumping around for a while now. I don't know completely how I'm going to go about this story, so reviews and tips would be gratefully appreciated.

This is going to be a multi chapter story, hopefully anyway, and will be completely AU. The story has its own timeline and ages, yes, I'm going to make Obi wan a lot younger than he is in order to make the story work. Anakin will be roughly the same age, Ahsoka a little older.

So without further adieu.

Star Wars, the wonderful universe we all so desire, belongs to Disney all characters belong to them. 

Anakin Skywalker stood fuming at his former Master. He screwed his eyes shut, taking the deep breaths that were supposed to calm him down, but only succeeded in irritating him more. "This is all your fault, why couldn't you just stay out of way." Obi wan blinked in annoyance, folding his arms over his chest as Anakin prattled away in accusations over who was to blame in their recent loss. "How could it be my fault Anakin, it's not as if I knew what the Separatists were planning. If I had, this problem would not have occurred, would it?" Anakin snarled back his reply, eyes flashing with an intense rage Obi wan had rarely seen. "I wouldn't be surprised if you were on their side. You always screw up in battles, and personally, you've probably killed off more of your own men in stupid planning than the Separatists have. I bet you are with the separatists, everything you do has led to one defeat after the other, you are letting the Separatists win. It's your fault this entire operation has failed. If you had just listened to me…"

Obi wan blinked in surprise, "Anakin, don't you dare say anything like that again, I may have had a fault in the planning, I will admit that. But do not say I have aligned myself with the Separatist cause. I will never throw my allegiance to Republic away, regardless of what you may believe." Anakin smirked, then let out a sarcastic laugh. "I'm sure the Jedi Councils pet is loyal, the perfect Jedi would never so much as dream to think for himself, you are merely a puppet Master Kenobi." Anakin spat the last two words, a scowl settling itself over his features. Obi wan simply shook his head, too shocked with Anakin's outburst. "Anakin, do not test me. I understand you feel upset with the loss, but are you so ignorant and selfish as to think you are the only one hurt when it comes to the sacrifices of war. Are you so naive in thinking you are the only one affected by loss. "

Anakin glared at his former mentor. "You don't know anything about loss Obi wan; you don't have the ability to feel it. You are simply an empty shell doing what the council tells you. You have no emotions, you won't ever feel what I am feeling, so stop trying to act as if you do. You'll never understand, you were given every luxury of life and now you claim to know loss, you are the ignorant one Obi wan." "_Enough_. I won't stand here with you telling me what I can and cannot feel. I have fought in this war just as much as you, so don't believe everything you tell yourself. I had to negotiate with those people Anakin, conflict does not solve everything. Stop trying to force everything into going your way, it will never work." Anakin was practically vibrating with anger, his emotions roiling with every word Obi wan spoke.

"You know it's your fault this war started, if you hadn't got yourself captured as always, none of us would be fighting in this war. Does it make you feel happy when Jedi are sent back to the temple in bags and boxes, does it make you laugh when clones are shot down in the hundreds. This war would not have started if it weren't for you. Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like if you hadn't existed, I can picture the peace the order would be in without you. Why did you have to be the one who lived and not Qui Gon. He would never have allowed this war to go on. You disgrace him, and his very lineage."

Obi wan let the anger slowly melt from his face as he listened to Anakin ranting on, the words like a vibro shiv deep in his heart, twisting and turning with each new word. He let a slow, steady breath leave his mouth before speaking. "Regardless of what you might believe Anakin, you did not know Qui Gon well enough to dictate to me what he would or would not do. Your opinion of me is noted, and I'm sorry you feel that way. But I'm still a Jedi, and I was you Master. You can never change that" Anakin seemed short of breath, his body now visibly shaking from anger. He ground out the words in his mind. "I hate you Obi wan, and I wish with all my strength that you would simply disappear. Then again, why don't you save us and the Separatists the job and do away with yourself. You would make everyone a whole lot better."

Obi wan's retort died on his lips, his mind registering what Anakin had said. His shoulders slumped slightly, and he gave a small nod. "You're right again Anakin, you're always the one that's right." Obi wan gave Anakin one last look before he turned and strode away from his former Padawan. Anakin shouted another obscenity at him, but he ignored it as he walked towards his quarters. Palming open the door half-heartedly, he stepped inside his room.

He immediately let himself slip down the door frame, bringing up his knees to his chest. He dragged a hand through his hair shakily; bring his head to rest on his knees. He let the conversation play out again, a simple mission going so wrong; he never knew it would lead to this. Blinking back the hot sting of tears, he pushed himself to his feet and walked over to his bed. He knew what he needed to do. He would make the order and Anakin happy, he would do what they want, he always did. Slowly, he let his fingers trail over his lightsaber, marveling how the weapon felt. He thumbed the striking blue blade to life, looking at it as if it was the first. He let a smile play out on his face as he remembered how he had gotten his blade, but let it slip away as the events caught up with him.

The blade powered down again, and Obi wan resigned himself to what lay before him. He may not be welcomed to where he was going, but then again, it was clear he was not welcome here either. He placed the hilt against his chest, feeling the vibrations as his heart pumped obliviously away. He whispered a small apology into the force for what he was about to do, then quickly thumbed the blades activation switch. He expected pain, but an odd sense of peace washed over him, shielding him from the agony he knew was there. As his mind stopped working and his body lay itself down on the mattress, he let a smile flutter onto his face before he felt the darkness descend on him. He opened his arms, embracing the feeling of peace before his eyes drifted shut to remain so.

Anakin was still angry when he felt the force stiffen, then plunge with the passing of a life force. He did not have long to wonder before the agonizing snapping of his bond with Obi wan brought him crashing down onto his knees. "No. No no no no, it can't. no." he pushed himself up, running down the corridors until he slammed into Ahsoka, Mace Windu running just behind her. "I felt a disturbance, from Obi wan." Ahsoka looked on the verge of panic as her master jumped to his feet. He didn't bother replying to Mace as he took off in the direction of Obi wan's quarters. He forced the door open with the force and looked frantically around the room. Mace Windu came in before Ahsoka, signaling for her to remain silent. Anakin slowly mad his way towards the bedroom, and choked back a cry as he saw what had happened.

He felt his knees buckle, and his chest tighten and squeeze from the sight. "no." Anakin Skywalker screamed then. He lunged up from his position on the floor and wrapped his arms around the prone form of hi Master. He shook the body, willing him to open his eyes. He screamed Obi wans name over and over again, his hands fumbling for a pulse he knew he would not find. Mace Windu had run into the room, almost falling over himself as he took in the scene before him. Ahsoka stumbled in, stopping dead when she caught sight of Obi wan. She took a tentative step forward, then fell onto her knees. Anakin tried everything to bring his Master back to him, but nothing worked. He stared at the lightsaber wound in his Masters chest and screamed again when the realization dawned on him. He had done this, he had driven Obi wan to this.

He cradled Obi wan's body, rocking it as if it were a delicate infant, whispering apologies in his unhearing ears. His tears streaked down his face and dripped onto Oni wan, slowly making the form damp from the crying. Mace Windu simply stood there, frozen in place by the scene. Obi wan Kenobi had taken his own life, for no apparent reason to him. Anakin kept on gently rocking the body, until Mace slowly walked up to him and tried to lead him away from the still form "It's all my fault, I , I did this, me, if I didn't, if I just." Mace closed his eyes, silently shoving his own grief aside. He let his eyes glance at Obi wan, and closed them again after the tears threatened to fall. Oh Obi wan, why would you resort to this.

However, it was not just them that grieved, in a silent world; the force itself cried for the one that she had just lost. She would make this right.

**A/N: hope you enjoyed that, much more to come, please leave a review, I would love to see your opinions regarding this story, tips would be helpful too. Thank you for reading and may the Force be with you, always.**


	2. Chapter 2

**First of all, thank you to those readers who reviewed. Yes, Obi wan does seem OOC, but that's the whole idea behind my story. I'm not entirely sure who I'll bring into the fic, but hey, you never know. And just to clarify before hand, total age AU. Obi wan is way younger, late twenties when he dies, Anakin is early Twenties, Ahsoka late teens. It just makes it work for me. **

**I do not own Star Wars, that privilege goes to Disney.**

Anakin held the limp body of his former Master in his arms, his tears having soaked the fabric of the tunic. His face was pressed against the still body and he continually murmured words into the still forms chest. Mace Windu had stood rooted to the floor, his eyes taking in the scene before him; he had taken Ahsoka into a hug, the young Togruta crying into his embrace. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, the great Negotiator lying dead in the sobbing Hero without Fear's arm. He would have called the others by now, but he found he could not; he simply stood watching the event in front of him. Finally, summoning up courage from somewhere, Mace called out to Anakin.

"Anakin, hey come on, you can't do this to yourself. He won't comeback, no matter how much you ask, please Anakin, let me handle this; your Padawan needs you now."

Anakin, snapped his head up to look at Mace, the raw grief scratched into his face. "Why, why would he do this, it's it's not like him, why would he. I mean why, hhow…" Anakin's broken voice barely made the words audible; they came out as a mere whisper. Anakin looked down at the peaceful expression on his Master's face and realized it was the most relaxed he had seen his master in years.

Mace finally moved his leaden feet and let Ahsoka go. He reached forward and took Anakin gently by the elbow and pulled him up and away from the cooling body. Anakin struggled meekly, but let himself crumble in Mace's embrace. "Why, Why would he do this?" Mace barely made out Anakin's words as he led the young Jedi away from the body.

Anakin found himself caught in his thoughts, before he roughly pulled away from Mace. "How could he. How, how could he willingly kill himself. How could he leave in a time like this, with a war that needs to be won, he just left us all here because he couldn't handle it anymore. I know why, it was because he is, was a coward! He was too scared to face anything anymore, that's why he killed himself, because he was a coward, a no good coward." Anakin was breathing heavily, tears streaking down his face as the words spewed from his mouth. He turned around and stared at Obi Wan's body, stumbling forwards, he fell to his knees. "Why Master, why would you leave me?"

Mace blinked in surprise to Anakin's words, then felt true sympathy for the young man in front of him. He dragged his eyes over the still body and found himself asking the same thing, _Why Obi wan, Why?_

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The force felt herself dim as one of her brightest lights faded away into the ever growing darkness. She watched his light slip further away until she could see it no more. "My child, you did not deserve such a fate. I cannot change your past, but I may make others understand it. I am truly sorry I could not intervene before. We are all to blame."

The Force then found her attention drawn to her appointed Chosen one, she heard his words and grew angry with his accusations. "The Chosen one you may be, but the title suits you ill." She sighed when she heard the Masters question. She knew then what she must do to make them understand.

She let herself fill the room, her golden light filling every corner of the cold dark room. "Why you ask, that is an easy answer."

The other Jedi in the room became transfixed as the light grew, and a figure of light stood in front of Obi Wan's body. Although the figure was merely a shape, it was clearly feminine. "I have lost many of my children, most throughout the course of you pointless war, but this is a death I cannot ignore. You have driven my child to this; all of you are responsible for this. You ask why he has taken his own life, because it was his decision to do so. He finally made a choice for himself, and he had every right to do so. He no longer serves you" she pointed her arm at the Jedi Master, and held it there for him to understand. "He no longer falls under your power Jedi, he now belongs where he should be, but you would question him of that decision."

Anakin had risen to his feet, and the Jedi stood together as the apparition of the force spoke to them. "We drove him to nothing, he did this to himself." Anakin was surprised to hear his voice. The Force apparently was not.

"Yes, Chosen One, you are to blame most of all. Your words, your actions were the final act to drive my son away from you all. You want to know why he did what he did, then I will answer your question. But I will not tell you, I will rather show you."

Before the Jedi could move, they were enveloped in a strong light. They could see the shape of the Force, and simply followed her form as she walked forwards. She stopped, and turned towards them. "You will see everything that has led to where he lies today. You will see, but you won't be able to interfere. Here is the answer to your question."

The figure disappeared, taking all of the light with her. Anakin, Mace and Ahsoka found themselves being ripped forward, their bodies painfully fighting to keep awareness. Ahsoka was the first to go, her eyes slipped shut and her body went limp in the unknown pressure. Mace struggled for a while longer, but his eyes fell shut too. Anakin fought with everything he had to stay awake. He saw a pin prick of light a head, but he knew he would not make it. His eyes slowly shut, and the last thing he thought about was the cold, limp form of his former Master.

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**A/N: it has been a while since I last updated, and I'm sorry for that, but exams and tests are getting to me. Next chapter will have more, I promise. I hope it was okay, and I would love to see what you guys think. So please, R&amp;R. Reviews are like brain food. Until next time, May the force be with you.**


	3. Chapter 3

It has been quite a while since I have updated this story, and for that I must apologize. Preliminary exams are no joke, and I'm just glad they're finally over. Like I said before, this story is AU, and the ages are way younger than they actually are, because I don't believe in the fact that Obi wan was a Padawan until he was 25.

Unfortunately, I do not own Star Wars or the characters associated with it, that honor belongs to Disney.

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Anakin slowly opened his eyes, gradually regaining his awareness. Groaning, he pushed himself onto his feet and gingerly touched his head. He looked down and spotted Ahsoka and Mace coming to.

"Master, I feel as though I've been run over by a bantha. What happened?" Anakin shook his head, "we all passed out after that thing dropped us off here. Said something about learning why, why Obi wan did what he did." Mace brushed his tunic off, looking around the area in which they were in

"I think we should get moving, it's getting dark and we don't know where we are, or if we are safe." The other two nodded and exchanged glances with the Korrun Master before heading off in search of whatever the Force wanted them to find. They had been walking for what seemed like ages before a warning in the force stopped them in their tracks.

"Get down!" The three Jedi dropped to the floor, and instinctively reached for the sabers on their belts. Speeder bikes flew past them, each driven by two beings carrying blasters. "Why didn't they attack us Master?" Anakin turned to Ahsoka, and incredulous look plastered on her face. "Honestly, I don't know, it was if they were looking straight through us. It doesn't matter, come on let's follow them and see where they go. I don't like the feeling I have about them."

The Jedi took off into a sprint after the speeders. Unfortunately, they had lagged further and further behind as the terrain became tricky to navigate. "Blast, now how are we going to catch them." Anakin looked at Mace, as if urging the Master to come up with something.

"Well, why don't we follow that cloud of smoke?" Mace pointed to thick black smoke rising in the distance. Anakin stiffened "You don't suppose they attacked a village do you," Ahsoka and Mace stared at Anakin in realization. "Yeah I thought so, come on lets go."

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It was near dark before the Jedi made it to the village, and the site that met them was not encouraging. People were screaming and sobbing around the village. Children lay crumpled on the floor, riddled with blaster wounds, parents lay next to them, having died trying to save their young. Houses were burning, the acrid stench of burnt flesh mingled in the soot filled air.

Anakin stared in horror at the sight before him, frozen in place by what he saw. The people they saw on the speeders were raiders, wiping out the village in order to plunder the belongings of the people they slaughtered. Mace finally stepped forward, determination flashing in his eyes. "We must help them; we can't just stand here and do nothing."

Seemingly coming out of his stupor, Anakin nodded and set off with the others to help the suffering villagers. The Jedi ran towards the nearest group of people they saw. "We are here to help you, what is going on?" Anakin frowned, the villagers hadn't recognized them. "Hello, can you here me. I said we are here to help you. Why won't you respond?" Frustrated, Anakin reached down to grab hold of the person, but instead dragged his hand straight the persons body. "What, that cant be, I..." Anakin waved his hand t5hrough the villager's body.

Mace looked off into the distance, "I would seem as though we are in a past event. We can't interact with these people because we aren't here, and this already happened. We are mere witnesses Skywalker." Anakin straightened. "That's what it said, it said we would see, but we wouldn't be able to do anything. Do you think the Force is showing us this for a reason?" Mace nodded, "the Force never does anything without reason, I guess we must see what happens."

Anakin hung his head, "Master Windu, why can we feel the force and the fears of these people as if we are here, but cannot touch them. I don't get it, why would the Force let us feel if we are too learn…" Anakin cut himself off. A piercing scream filled the Force, and the cry of a child echoed in the burning village.

At once, the Jedi sprang forward and headed in the direction the Force had prompted them. What they saw stopped them in their tracks once more. A child, no more than three was crying over the body of a dead female, a smoking blaster hole in the middle of her head. The child was streaked in dirt, the clothing he wore was ripped and tattered, and he was covered in light bruises. Anakin stepped forward, the boy seemed familiar, not in physical form, but in his Force presence. Although muted, he could sense power deep within the small child. He stepped forward, to take a better look at the child, when he heard him speak.

"Please Mommy, please wake up. Please wake up mommy, I be a good boy if you wake up. I pwomise mommy, please wake up. You can't sleep now, it s not sleep time yet. Please mommy, just wake up mommy I pwomise I be good." The child's words wavered, trembling slightly as he shook his mothers still form. He kept whispering to her begging his mother to wake up. "I'm sorry mommy, I'm sorry I was bad, I dint mean it, I sorry, please wake up, I be good."

The chills continued to gently shake his mother, his head never leaving her chest. Slowly, he lifted his head and looked at his mothers face. "Why you no move mommy, why you no breathe, you need to breathe mommy. It good for you, please just breathe mommy. Please, mommy, I need you, I'm scared."

Anakin felt his heart break; he yearned for his own mother, remembering the state he had found her in years ago. The little boy stopped shaking his mother and slowly raised his head in the direction of the Jedi. Anakin heard Mace gasp behind him, and felt Ahsoka stiffen in the Force. The little boy looked terrified, his light reddish-Blonde hair ruffling from the movement. But it wasn't the look he saw in the child's face that struck Anakin, it was the deep pool of stormy Cerulean eyes that stared through him. Only one person he knew had eyes that could cause the same feelings in him. This Child was Obi wan Kenobi.

"No, it can't be, it can't. How is this possible? Master Windu, please tell me this is some sick joke by the Force." Mace slowly shook his head. "No Skywalker, it is not a joke. I remember this planet now, although not at this stage. I was here, possibly a year or two from now, but I remember that boy. He is Obi wan, I know because I found him." Anakin's eyes seemed to bulge, "What, you found Obi wan; you brought him to the temple?" Mace nodded again, "Yes, but I almost didn't. I will tell you another time Skywalker, now doesn't feel right."

Anakin relaxed, but brought his attention to the boy once more when he saw the child rise shakily to his feet. Sensing the danger once more, all three Jedi spun around to see what terrified the child further. They came face to face with several of the raiders, their blasters raised and leveled at Obi wan's chest. "Now Now little boy, we wouldn't want you running off and telling others about what has happened here. I'm afraid were going to have to, prevent you from becoming a problem for us."

Obi wan had backed away slowly, his little body shaking from uncontrolled fear. It radiated off him in waves, the Jedi threw up their shields in order to block out the overwhelming feelings. The little boy fell backwards, tripping over the limp arm of his former mother. The leader of the group, descended on the downed child quickly, and pointed his blaster straight at the child's head. "Bye bye little boy, have a good trip."

The man's finger gripped the trigger, and pulled. Before Anakin had the chance to scream, Obi wan did it for him. The child had thrown up his arms in an effort to protect himself, the cry of fear echoing through the now smoldering rubble. The man found himself being thrown through the air, tumbling harshly; he crashed against a broken wall. He lay limp and unmoving; probing the Force, Anakin knew the man was dead.

The other raiders seemed to realize the new threat, and shouted at each other as they scrambled to get away from the child on the floor. The child simply stared at the still figure of his attacker, as if realizing what he had done. Slowly, he rose to his feet, tears streaking down his dirt covered face, the brilliant blue eyes shining as though a beacon in the darkness.

Slowly, people emerged from the devastation of their village. They seemed to converge around the young child. Instead of Obi wan being happy, as Anakin though he would, the child shrunk back further, fear evident in his expressive eyes.

"You, this is your fault. I knew this would happen, I warned you that this _thing_ was the spawn of evil. You see how he uses his witchcraft. I told you he would bring evil upon our village, and look around you. This child was a curse placed on this village, to test our loyalty to one another. I say we get rid of him now. We must stop him from bringing further devastation to our people."

Anakin didn't know what disgusted him more, the fact that this man spoke about killing a child, or that the others agreed with him. The few villagers seemed to close in on the terrified child, anger and fear evident on their faces. "Grab him, kill him now." Anakin didn't know who said it, but it made him angry. The villagers seemed to storm the child, grabbing hold of him and yanking him forward. They dragged the hysterical child to the man who had spoken first.

He had picked up the blaster that lay next to the dead raider and put it against the back of the squirming child's head. "Now my people, we will end this curse once and for all." The Jedi were riveted to the spot, watching with disbelief as they were preparing to execute a child. The villager seemed to smile as he spoke the words that had sealed the child's fate. Obi wan stilled, only the soft hiccups from his crying could be heard. He lifted his head slowly; looking at his would be executor. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be bad. I'm sorry." Having said his piece, the child lowered his head once more.

The villager stared at the child then lowered the blaster. "Go, leave this place. We will not kill you, that would make us no better than you. Leave, do not come back to this village, if you do, we will not hesitate to kill you. Now Go!" standing shakily, Obi wan looked around and met only hostile glances. Anakin caught the child staring at one particular face, and realization dawned once more. "no, it cant be, how could he?" Mace and Ahsoka stared at Anakin, then back at Obi wan. They too had realized what was happening.

"Daddy, please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I…" the man that Obi wan was looking at shook his head. "I am not your father, and you are not my son, not anymore. Leave, you are not welcome here anymore." It was if it was a physical blow that struck the child. He stepped backwards, tears threatening to spill once more. He seemed to shake from the effort of walking. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be bad." With that, the child ran blindly into the thick forest that surrounded the village.

Anakin couldn't believe it, how could that have happened. He felt bad for Obi wan, all those time he screamed at him for not understanding what he went through when his mother died, he was wrong. Oh Master I'm so sorry, I never knew. What have I done. Ahsoka spoke first. "How could they do that? He was just a child, who just lost his mother and they kicked him out of the village. How can they do it, I mean his own father turned him away. What kind of parents would do that?"

"His apparently." All three Jedi turned to look at the voice behind them. Anakin seemed furious. "You, how could you let this happen? And why would you show this to us." The Force merely smiled, "my my Anakin, a bit touchy. I have no control over events that happen, but I can influence them. I helped Obi wan that day, and for many days that followed. It was only fair, it was my gift that made him an outcast. As I told you Skywalker, you wanted to see why Obi wan did what he did, this is merely a piece of his puzzle. And in time, you will see the whole picture. But until then, you must learn."

The force shimmered before disappearing, leaving the Jedi to think about the events that had just passed. Anakin simply shook his head. "I hurt him; I said he didn't know anything about love and compassion. I said he never knew his parents, and that he would never know what it felt like to lose a parent. I was wrong, in so many ways. It's my fault."

As if the confession was the key, the Jedi found themselves enveloped by light. Wondering what they would next see, the Jedi fell into darkness once more.

The Force smiled. "They are learning."

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**A/N: glad that's finally done. What will happen next, not entirely sure. Please Read and Review, it really does give inspiration. It might be a bit slow in updating, school and stuff like that, but it will be posted. Until then, May the Force be with you.**


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